I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She's just so happy...and so naked.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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