You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
