I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize