I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
