When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
