he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
