New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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