I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
