dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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