Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
this boner is exhausting
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
