if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
