Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
