woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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