I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
