don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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