barbara walters just said penis...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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