Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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