dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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