I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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