Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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