She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
