never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
