i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
