ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
