you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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