Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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