why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
