I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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