butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
