You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
