why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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