The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
