Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
