all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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