What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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