PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
