and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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