i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
