I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
