Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
