took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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