Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
