Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I am spending my child support on dildos
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
