That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
