So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
How does one acquire holy water?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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