God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
