Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
