Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
