i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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