So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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