How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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