I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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