he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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