So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
