I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
