I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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