Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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