speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
