i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
