dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
