I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Randomize
