I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
