Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
