It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
