I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
