you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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