Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
