Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
