I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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