I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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