When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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