So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
