Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
