I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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