o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
