i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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