I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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