i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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