i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
