It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
