i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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