she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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