That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
