I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
