I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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